Expecting Joy

It is commonly believed that many people suffer the “holiday blues” this time of year. The expectation that perfect loving families will celebrate with warm reunions by yuletide fires, holiday music streaming in the background, and happy children playing at their parents’ feet is both unrealistic and uncommon in many urban and rural areas.

In fact, during this time of year, many writers of articles stress the warning to be aware of symptoms of depression or anxiety. They teach people how to cope with the realization that, once again, they may not have the storybook holiday experience they have heard or read about and yearned for.

So let’s take a different view of the holidays – moving away from the expected traditions and focus on how we can all learn to expect joy instead.

How can we create a holiday experience that will be satisfying and encouraging?  First, let’s recognize the families of friends that we might have.  Biological families are hugely important, but the bonds of friendship may prove to be a happier, healthier center of activity over the holidays for some people. Choose to surround yourself with the people who make you happiest.

If you don’t have friends to make plans with, it’s not too late to get involved with others at a church, temple, community group, or a fellowship program. Another way to meet new people and keep busy is by volunteering to help others or by seeking seasonal work in a retail store or mall, the hub of holiday activity.

Most importantly, we need to be aware of the pitfalls when our minds wander to painful reminders of past, drama-filled holidays. Remember, those thoughts are not connected to present realities or what we might most desire in the present.

In truth, we can decide today what our core values are, and use those values to choose new friends, activities, and habits that will result in greater connection and fulfillment. We can begin to create the joy that may have been missing during past holidays.

I have counseled many people about the wisdom  found in the Serenity Prayer by American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr. It reads:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

We cannot change the past, nor can we stop the thoughts that come into our minds.

However, what we can do is choose to take action and move towards our present values. If we are bold and courageous, we may even attempt to repair strained relationships and seek reconciliation. Those actions can be a great healer.

You can expect joy this holiday season by trying something new and customizing your experiences into ones that will be healthy and uplifting.

It takes some practice, but you can change your mindset and become more present and less stuck in the past. Seek out pleasurable experiences that make you happy. Be brave, have fun, and be active in creating a memorable holiday experience with your family, friends, or new people in your life.

I encourage you to think about this. Discover that it is indeed within your power to have a very different and joyful holiday experience this year.

Thomas Robertson, Psy.D., is chief of psychology at Jackson Behavioral Health Hospital. For more information on JBHH, visit www.jacksonhealth.org.